- Lindsay: Why did she hire two turds to walk down the aisle?
Alex: What are those large piles of shit?
(The bridesmaids on what the wedding guests would say about their dresses)
- Sara: She asked for a French manicure, and that's what she got.
Andrew: She got a Bed-Stuy manicure
(on what happens when Alex goes to the nail salon with Karina)
- Lindsay: Now I know what a sausage feels like.
- Sara: We should play Celebrities now.
Alex: I want to lick you all over.
- Andrew: Is that to prevent fires?
Laura: No, it's to prevent death.
- Brad: I once had the neatest vomit.
- Disuhan: I'm going to live with a Republican.
- Lindsay: This apartment smacks of gay rights and free health care for all.
(Someone must have said the apartment smells like ... the Netherlands?)
- Disuhan: There was an old alien movie. There was an alien in it.
- Lindsay: I shot my wad with "bear."
- Lindsay: Three little turds from school are we.
- Brad: Who says "butterscotch enema?"
Sara: I'm pretty sure that's the first time that's ever been said.
- Brad: What movie is "Pralines 'n' Dick" from?
Sara: Why do you keep putting these foods in those places?
- Brad: Berry is popular among the ladies.
Alex: I vomit when I drink that stuff.
Brad: I meant ladies that don't say "vomit."
- Andrew (to Lindsay): Are you going to hang that on your wall?
Courtney: Not unless Kristin Chenoweth signs it.
- Lindsay: Kitty, go fuck yourself.
Darcy (via Lindsay): Okay, but I'm doing it in your room.
- Lindsay: Jew, when did Jesus die?
- Lindsay: I'm spending the night at Josh's.
Lindsay: I can call him Josh.
Courtney: You can, but he won't answer.
Lindsay: That's because he's NOT REAL.
- Lindsay: I can get pregnant from holding hands.
Andrew: Yes. If Christianity has taught us anything, it's that no woman is safe from the Lord.
- Lindsay: I would like to cover Bayonne in powdered sugar.
- Lindsay: Would you like to "Peace the fuck out" too? Because that guy would.
- Lindsay: Ugh! I'm going to fucking NOLA, zombie! What were you thinking?
- Andrew: I'll show you my DePippo if you show me your Latos Latos.
(Having fun with the company name "Latos Latos and DePippo," advertised on Astoria Blvd)
- Doug: The parade hasn't started because Harry Connick, Jr. is having sex with his go go boys.
Andrew: Well if the parade is delayed, of course it's because of gay sex.
- Doug: I don't want to touch titties.
Scott: But they squeak!
- Unattributed: No, Lindsay doesn't to cows, she's straight.
(This could have been any of us, including Lindsay)