- Andrew: Maybe on the first plane ride she was seated next to a Jehovah's Witness.
Dan: And on the second plane ride, she was seated next to John Goodman.
(imagining the worst possible plane trip for Lindsay)
- Dan: In Soviet Russia, apples pick you.
- Dan: You're listening to Satan's Armpit on WFUV.
- Andrew: European men must not have cocks.
(on the crotch room in H&M pants)
- Andrew: It's the redheads in their natural habitat.
- Nate: I tried to decorate the basement nicely since I was down there long enough.
Sara: Thanks. I'm keeping your lava lamp.
(During a game of Phase Ten)
- Sasha: We're the grab-assing twig of the Holly branch of the Thing tree!
- Lindsay: When I'm sleeping with you, I'm sleeping with every priest you've ever slept with.
- Micah: Rosenberg to Rosehill? That's an upgrade, I feel like.
- Lindsay: I played three instruments. One with my mouth, one with my nose, and one with my no.
- Lindsay: I don't know if there's an orifice on my face that your finger hasn't been in.
- Andrew: You're odd. You are not what god intended.
- Mary: Our asses are so mighty, no couch can contain them!
- Sara: I don't figure things out that begin with "i".
(disdain for Apple products)
- Laura: So what's the fun part of this game?
(and that's how Laura feels about games)
- Mary: If I didn't already live with someone who made out with me, I'd have more reasons to leave the house and go to New Jersey.
- Jeremy: I would always name all my daughters Peggy.
- Jeremy: I'll bring the Monopoly if you promise to bring it.