2/20/10 - Jess's mother is trying to kill her

Jess: I can just picture Lindsay out in a rainstorm holding an antenna.
Andrew: And a kite with a key.
Jess: Holding the word "show."
(This was about Lindsay trying to get the Sundance channel so she can watch the Johnny Weir reality show.  It also references the video I'm making with pictures of people holding words in a song.)

Jess: I'm glad I got to see you all before my demise.
Lindsay: I want to take a picture standing over Jess's corpse, holding a persimmon in one hand and the word "show" in the other.
(Jess is allergic to persimmons, and see the title of this post.)

New possible title for Lindsay's memoirs: "Mashed Potatoes and Outlet Shopping"

Jess: They had sausage sniffing dogs.
Andrew: Wait, sausage dogs who are sniffing, or dogs sniffing sausages?
Jess: Dogs sniffing sausages.  They save the dachshunds for heroin.

February 2006

2/4/06-2/5/06: Beta Epsilon Founders Weekend

• Lindsay: I think I was just served water by a pixie.
  (This is actually true.)
  
• Krystal: Guess who's not getting her special chips!
  
• Jess: Oh! You're sitting on Mike Noll!
  (Ever since 2002, Jess has been imagining Mike Noll at BE Founders Day)
  
• Nicole: I am a financial adviser now.
  Lindsay: I'm ... going to kill myself.
  
• Greg: I'm a Princess.
  Krystal: I have to walk away because I can't stop laughing at you.
  
• Lindsay: I like to rape puppies on Founders Day.
  (upon hearing some brothers were trying to sabotage Founders Day)
  
• Ashley: Whatever.  You say Raoul, I say potato.  It's fine.
  
• Jess: The milk is worth points.
  (The milk had gotten around)
  
• Lindsay: It makes me feel like I've been raped, and I liked it.
  (about "I Like the Way You Move")
  
• Lindsay: I am demure and sedate.
  Emily: What?
  Greg: Please use smaller vocabulary so our secretary can record it.
  Lindsay: I sit and shut up.
  
• Lindsay: This blows ... F.
  Andrew: This blows fuck?
  Lindsay: This blows ... grade F.