3/3/11 - Facebook

Disuhan: Monday's overnight salamander fest has REALLY messed up in internal clock this week.
Sara: You need to start a blog of "things Lauren was the first person to say"

Oops. Forgot this existed again.

Some recent quotes:

2/14/11 - At Band Rehearsal
Lindsay: Get your Council Oak away from my Angel's Gate.

2/16/11 - Email Exchange
Sara: I thought you might get a kick out of seeing your old HS classmate.
Andrew: Thanks for sharing!  He was middle school, actually.  Went to some Christian school for HS, I think.
Sara: Oh that's right.  They moved to California right about when you would have gotten to high school.
Andrew: By "some Christian school," I meant California. :)
Sara: I think that's the opposite of California.

7/5/10 - Games at Puddhaven or Kittyboo (don't remember)

Sara: Vincent, are there any of your things you don't want brought to the new house?
Vincent: Bubsy.

Sara: Christmas is for stupid things.
(differentiating from birthdays which are for thoughtful gifts)

Andrew: We've been gnomeless for some time.
Sara: Did you go to a gnomeless shelter?

Sara: Lindsay's gayer than you are, based on her participation in the band.

Andrew: Pigs are pigs, Dan.

Andrew: Are you going to baptize the thing?

(Sara/Dan/Lindsay, if you remember the context for any of these quotes, please comment!)

4/18/10 - Sunday Games at Puddhaven with the Redheads

Sara: I can't keep track of your fictional businesses, Lindsay.

Sara:  See what happens when you "Soo-ee?"
Andrew: You make an ass out of you!

Andrew: It's really easy to make bacon with four pigs. 
(Truism #304)


Dan: I just want pictures of four pigs doing the same thing.
(Dan explains his selective photography of our game of Pass the Pigs)


Andrew: Nope, there's spirit there.
(I assure everyone that my pigs are not, in fact, makin' bacon)

2/28/10 - Sunday games at Puddhaven with the Redheads

Dan: This is when sea creatures do it, and then we eat it.
Sara: Caviar!
(Taboo, and correct)

Dan: I heard you discussing the state of my scroditude.
(Dan took a bathroom break during a game of Yahtzee)

Andrew: It's anybody's game ... except yours.
(See above)

Dan: What is Celine Dion doing in that pile of coins?  The backstroke.
(On why Celine Dion may have turned down performing at the Olympic ceremonies)

2/13/10 - Sara and Dan got new games

Andrew: If you turn them gay, you might as well eat them.
Dan: That's right. You break it you bought it.
(on conservatives' attitudes towards gays babysitting their children)

Andrew: You are first among Dans.
Sara: There are no other Dans before thee.  Thou shall not worship false Dans.

11/17/07 - Friendsgiving in Hamboo

Sara: It's an undergarment, and it's magnificent.
(Tabooing "Wonderbra")

Andrew: Speaking of tools, this is where they live.
Dan: The White House
(correct)

Lindsay: You're lucky I have a lot of leg fat.
Andrew: I am lucky.  I can't tell you how lucky I feel.

February 2007 (The last of the big quoting months)

2/3/07: Started with bridesmaid dress shopping, and then Crackfiends showed up

• Lindsay: Why did she hire two turds to walk down the aisle?
  Alex: What are those large piles of shit?
  (The bridesmaids on what the wedding guests would say about their dresses)
  
• Sara: She asked for a French manicure, and that's what she got.
  Andrew: She got a Bed-Stuy manicure
  (on what happens when Alex goes to the nail salon with Karina)
  
• Lindsay: Now I know what a sausage feels like.
  
• Sara: We should play Celebrities now.
  Alex: I want to lick you all over.
  
• Andrew: Is that to prevent fires?
  Laura: No, it's to prevent death.
  
• Brad: I once had the neatest vomit.
  
• Disuhan: I'm going to live with a Republican.
  
• Lindsay: This apartment smacks of gay rights and free health care for all.
  (Someone must have said the apartment smells like ... the Netherlands?)
  
• Disuhan: There was an old alien movie.  There was an alien in it.
  
• Lindsay: I shot my wad with "bear."
  
• Lindsay: Three little turds from school are we.
  
• Brad: Who says "butterscotch enema?"
  Sara: I'm pretty sure that's the first time that's ever been said.
  
• Brad: What movie is "Pralines 'n' Dick" from?
  Sara: Why do you keep putting these foods in those places?

2/4/07: Somewhere else

• Brad: Berry is popular among the ladies.
  Alex: I vomit when I drink that stuff.
  Brad: I meant ladies that don't say "vomit."

2/12/07: Puddhaven

• Andrew (to Lindsay): Are you going to hang that on your wall?
  Courtney: Not unless Kristin Chenoweth signs it.

2/13/07: Puddhaven

• Lindsay: Kitty, go fuck yourself.
  Darcy (via Lindsay): Okay, but I'm doing it in your room.

2/14/07: Puddhaven?

• Lindsay: Jew, when did Jesus die?

2/16/07: Puddhaven

• Lindsay: I'm spending the night at Josh's.
  Courtney: JoshUA.
  Lindsay: I can call him Josh.
  Courtney: You can, but he won't answer.
  Lindsay: That's because he's NOT REAL.

2/17/07: Puddhaven

• Lindsay: I can get pregnant from holding hands.
  Andrew: Yes. If Christianity has taught us anything, it's that no woman is safe from the Lord.

2/18/07-2/19/07: New Orleans, LA

• Lindsay: I would like to cover Bayonne in powdered sugar.
  
• Lindsay: Would you like to "Peace the fuck out" too?  Because that guy would.
  
• Lindsay: Ugh! I'm going to fucking NOLA, zombie!  What were you thinking?
  
• Andrew: I'll show you my DePippo if you show me your Latos Latos.
  (Having fun with the company name "Latos Latos and DePippo," advertised on Astoria Blvd)
  
• Doug: The parade hasn't started because Harry Connick, Jr. is having sex with his go go boys.
  Andrew: Well if the parade is delayed, of course it's because of gay sex.
  
• Doug: I don't want to touch titties.
  Scott: But they squeak!
  
• Unattributed: No, Lindsay doesn't to cows, she's straight.
  (This could have been any of us, including Lindsay)

October 2006

10/5/06: Angry about Cheerios

• Andrew: Buzzy Wuzzy was a fuckin BEE!  On a cereal box!

10/11/06: Somewhere

• Lindsay: [Playing the clarinet] is like riding a bike ... with your mouth.
  (Lindsay tries to convince someone to dust off their clarinet and play again.)

10/14/06: Sposa Bella, shopping for Sara's wedding dress

• Sara: Me and my dress can be in two different counties!
  
• Lindsay: Grace Kelly's Rum Surprise!
  
• Dan: Music and getting fat.
  (Dan names the Smarty Party categories at which he excels.)
  
• Sara: That's going to be my child's autobiography, "Chewing on Scissors."
  
• Lindsay: I'll have a glass of water.
  Sara: And some lettuce.
  Lindsay: And hold the lettuce.

10/15/06: Andrew's parents' house, Commack

• Alex: Never look through a kaleidoscope in a cold house.

10/17/06: Someplace

• Andrew: That's how I make eggs.  I pour cereal into a bowl and say, "Fuck eggs."

10/24/06: Puddhaven

• Courtney: It's purple today! I can sleep for twenty more minutes!
  
• Courtney: I don't know why I'm worried about who I'm taking to my uncle's wedding.  I'll just take Will ... who doesn't exist.
  
• Courtney: Kitty, what do you want?
  Lindsay: Souls.

August 2006

8/2/06: Puddhaven

• Lindsay: I hate newscasters. They keep interrupting my stories to tell me it's hot.

8/3/06: Dunno

• Lindsay: When life hands you teens, don't touch them or you'll go to jail.

8/4/06: Puddhaven

• Pixie (via Lindsay): It's like a fucking sauna in there! Just put some wood chips in it and be done!

8/5/06: Somewhere with redheads

• Dan: You've entered four pounds of beet burgers.  There is no food in the oven.
  (his impersonation of my parents' malfunctioning convection oven)
  
• Sara: I love toaster ovens but I just feel like toasters are up to something.
  
• Sara: Don't give me your penguin smack!

8/7/06: A place where we can't make fun of people's moms

• Lindsay: You look funny.
  Kim: So does yer m-

8/14/06: Puddhaven, featuring Courtney!

• Lindsay: Apparently I don't stare at your chest enough.
  Courtney: That makes you an army of one.

8/18/06: Puddhaven

• Courtney: How about instead of driving through her vibrato, I just pull over to the side and die?
  (on the Into the Woods drinking game we invented)
  
• Lindsay: He bent me over, took a pole, lit it on fire, and shoved it up my ass.

8/20/06: Don't know, but probably Puddhaven

• Lindsay: I want to go on a tour bus and point at everything saying "It's the Empire State Building!"
  
• Kim: I am like a sieve, so I'm constantly forgetting my fabulousness.

8/26/06: Puddhaven

• Courtney: She actually doesn't like it when you pay attention to her. That gets you bitten.
  (about her cat, Darcy)

March 2006

3/11/06: A place where people were

• Laura: There's enough to go around.  It's Christ!
  
• Ben: How was the hotel they put you up in?
  Kathleen: I heard, "How was the Nutella Bitch-wuppin?"

3/25/06-3/26/06:  A visit from Louise

• Lindsay: I want to let you know right now that I can't fucking stand you.
  (The beginning of a beautiful roommateship)
  
• Mary: Is your mother still in Germany?
  Louise: She was in Denmark.
  Mary: Oh, one of those lederhosen countries.
  
• Sara: I don't do windows and I don't shuffle.
  
• Dan: Son of a fuck!
  Lindsay: Yes, that's usually how it happens.
  
• Louise: I'm fucked.
  Sara: Speaking to you from fucked, I can tell you you're not there.
  (Sounds like a game of Phase Ten)
  
• Sara: I'm skipping Louise.  This is a postcard from fucked.
  (Definitely Phase Ten.  We get our best quotes from that game.)
  
• Lindsay: Celbrate good times ... aw, come on!
  
• Sara: Do not fuck that duck!
  
• Dan: We can go to Ashley's and you can get frozen yogurt, or we can go to Ashley's and you can fuck off, or we can go to Tastee D-Lite.
  (Louise brings out the best in us)

3/29/06: A trip to Coldstone Creamery in Times Square

• Kim: Did you play during the show or during intermission?
  Lindsay: Oh, during intermission.  It's too dark during the show.
  (On playing Scrabble at a Broadway theater)
  
• Lindsay: Three umlauts?  Even the Germans would find that excessive.
  (On Coldstone's menu item, "Germanchökolätekäke")

January 2006

1/7/06: A party in Boo Haven

• Mary: Sadler Dellplain.  That sounds like the name of a fictional gumshoe.
  Andrew: Ha! All gumshoes are fictional.
  
• Mary: Oh, I forgot to put my name then a colon and I used a quotation mark instead.  I'll just cross it out.  I'm a messy quoter.
  Andrew: I'm allergic to messy quotes.
  Mary: Oh, and I messed up the date.  I am SO fired!
  
• Mary: An Ass in the Distance, the Sara R*** Story.
  
• Mary: I think that oxygen is funny right now.
  
• Disuhan: I didn't know there was liquor in the punch.
  Kathleen: That's what punch is for!  What are we, Hawaiian Punch girl scouts?
  
• Disuhan: I'm very fickle with my sausage, though.  Sometimes I like it and sometimes I don't.
  
• Kathleen: You're like a cock or something.  I swear you're a cock.
  (This was about the Chinese Zodiac)
  
• Kathleen: We're creepy invisible people who don't know that copper doesn't smell.
  
• Andrew: You're ridin' the chocolate wave, now.
  Dan: Once you've ... never mind.
  
• Alex: Petticoat Junction, what's your function?
  
• Sara: I feel like Sacajaweah dollars are a big game of keep-away.
  Dan: Sacajaweah dollars are the hot potato of the coin world.

1/28/06: Someplace

• Disuhan: I can be really cute or cold.
  Brad: Tell me about it.

1/29/06: Somewhere

• Holly: Luck of the Irish is canceled out by mean of the bitch.
  (Holly had a run in with a surly Irishwoman)

November 2005

11/6/05: We were playing Taboo somewhere

• Kathleen: Giant monkey
  Jennelle: King Kong
  Kathleen: He had a friend.
  Jennelle: Hong Kong

11/26/05: This feels like it was at Kathleen's (parents') house

• Sara: I kick ass, save lives, and bake cakes.
  
• Brad: You use your teeth to eat this?
  Kathleen: Yeah.  What did you use, your eye?
  
• Sara: You've been voted out of the generation.
  
• Sara: It's the Great Pumpkin, you!
  
• Kira: Shodan Ho means the next person to test for shodan.  Dojo Ho means someone who sleeps around at the dojo.
  
• Kira: Have you ever heard of homosexual chicken?
  Brad: Is that when two gay guys run into each other?
  
• Brad: There's really no comeback to "You're stupid."
  Kira: Yes there is.  It's called, "Your mom."

October 2005

10/7/05-10/9/05: Homecoming Weekend at Syracuse

• Andrew: Maybe on the first plane ride she was seated next to a Jehovah's Witness.
  Dan: And on the second plane ride, she was seated next to John Goodman.
  (imagining the worst possible plane trip for Lindsay)
  
• Dan: In Soviet Russia, apples pick you.
  
• Dan: You're listening to Satan's Armpit on WFUV.
  
• Andrew: European men must not have cocks.
  (on the crotch room in H&M pants)
  
• Andrew: It's the redheads in their natural habitat.
  
• Nate: I tried to decorate the basement nicely since I was down there long enough.
  Sara: Thanks.  I'm keeping your lava lamp.
  (During a game of Phase Ten)
  
• Sasha: We're the grab-assing twig of the Holly branch of the Thing tree!
  
• Lindsay: When I'm sleeping with you, I'm sleeping with every priest you've ever slept with.
  
• Micah: Rosenberg to Rosehill?  That's an upgrade, I feel like.
  
• Lindsay: I played three instruments.  One with my mouth, one with my nose, and one with my no.
  
• Lindsay: I don't know if there's an orifice on my face that your finger hasn't been in.
  
• Andrew: You're odd. You are not what god intended.

10/14/05: Andrew's first apartment in LIC, NY

• Mary: Our asses are so mighty, no couch can contain them!
  
• Sara: I don't figure things out that begin with "i".
  (disdain for Apple products)
  
• Laura: So what's the fun part of this game?
  (and that's how Laura feels about games)
  
• Mary: If I didn't already live with someone who made out with me, I'd have more reasons to leave the house and go to New Jersey.
  
• Jeremy: I would always name all my daughters Peggy.

 10/19/05: Online

• Jeremy: I'll bring the Monopoly if you promise to bring it.

September 2005

9/15/05: Alyssa's dorm at NYU

• Alyssa's roommate Lauren: Beyond no.  It couldn’t make less of a difference if it tried.
   
• Lauren: My ass is too big for the paper towels.
  Alyssa: Your ass is too big for a lot of things.
  Lauren: My ass doesn’t love you anymore, and it doesn’t matter if the rest of me does because most of me is my ass!

9/23/05: Somewhere with soup? I guess?

• Brad: I’m allergic to Lauren.
  Disuhan: That’s because I roll in cat hair and bathe in fresh fruit.
   
• Andrew: How were you able to stick it in your mouth?
  Disuhan: It’s not so bad.  I’ve been mixing and blowing.
   
• Disuhan: Oh, Andrew, it’s so smooth and—what are you writing?
  

9/24/05: Somewhere else

• Sara: It’s like a non-stop, edge-of-your-seat adventure.  I should write a book: “My Life in Andrew’s Bed."
  

August 2005

8/4/05 - 8/5/05: Phi Sigma Pi Grand Chapter Conference in Monroeville, PA

• Sara: Remember the time we were … driving?  I don’t either. (Stuck in traffic)
   
• Sara: We should get cash prizes for this.
  
  
• Andrew: Queerie?
  Sara: Point of sexual orientation!
  (Fun with Robert's Rules)
   
• Girl: Ya know what I’m saying?
  Tammy: I can’t answer you, so I’m just going to keep staring at you.
  Girl: Okay, I wasn’t really asking you.
  (Confusion between delegate and chair)
  
  
• Sara: It was a very caj wedding. We didn’t even have a rabbi.
  Andrew: Or a yarmulke.
  Sara: Or a heterosexual groom.
  (We staged a false Jewish wedding as part of our duties in the Peanut Gallery)
  

8/27/05: Somewhere for Ben's Birthday

• Kathleen: Five-year-olds have been born five times since you were born!
  

8/31/05: Somewhere

• Jennelle: He just wanted to go to the conference so he can save his race by mating with some tree nymph.
  Nick: Fairy princess!
   
• Andrew: I’m through with hugging big, drunk men.
  Disuhan: I’m not.
   
• Kathleen: What is this love thing?  I don’t know.
  
  
• Kathleen: We’re like the worst hurricanes ever.
   
• Andrew: I’m gonna go out for a smoke.
  

July 2005

7/3/05: An evening at Mary's

• Lucas: Why would I cheat?
  Mary: I’m drunk and stupid.  Why wouldn’t you?
  
  
• Mary: Everybody but me doesn’t suck at this game!
  
  
• Doug M: You’re gonna get sick.
  Mary: Don’t say sick.

Somewhere else

• Kathleen: If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll get psoriasis!

7/4/05: Rockland County with the Franzeses/Ethes

• Doug E: Doesn’t Corona taste like pee?
  All: I’ve never tasted pee

7/16/05: Various

• Laura: You’ve tuned in to ‘Keep Him or Dump Him’, with Jeanne.
   
• Alex: There’s one Ben, and half of another Ben in my world.
   
• Andrew: Um, what did people do at bar mitzvahs before 1981? (about “Celebrate”)
   
• Shihan M: If anyone has any objection to listening to the Yankees, please let me know.
   
• Andrew: Dan is the reason we get pie.
  Sara: That’s why I keep him around.
   
• Andrew: I wouldn’t describe Sarah McLachlan as a “crooner.”
  Alex and Sara: Or a tree fucker!

7/23/05: Don't remember where

• Sara: If you like Kathleen, try her mom.
   
• Dan: If they jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge…
  Andrew: Bridge no, ass grab yes.
   
• Sara: It’s still a bachelorette party because you’re a bachelorette now!
  Ben: But there’ll be guys there.
  Disuhan: And we can hook up with them!
  Ben: No, I meant us.

7/24/05: ESPN Zone, possibly?

• Michelle: I was the Michael Jordan of Phi Sig.